Christmas. That
time when it is better to give than to receive.
Should I then, I
wondered, give my blog’s readers something practical and useful, and steer all
you loyal gluten-free readers towards some terrific ‘free from’ Christmas food
ideas over on the FreeFrom FoodsMatter website, or else some ‘free from’
skincare gift suggestions for all the family, compiled by yours truly at the
Skins Matter website?
Or perhaps, I
thought, I should tell you all about the other useful Christmas-related stuff
out there, like Gluten Freek’s Festive Survival Guide, or her Free From and Festive Guide, compiled with the brilliant contributions of many terrific
bloggers?
Or perhaps I
should make an effort to identify the Worst Christmas Present for a Coeliac Ever,
and focus mostly on that instead?
Well – it is silly season …
Three
nominations below – I’m sure you can do better, but pick your favourite if you
can’t. Just don’t read the following when you’re holding a credit card and have
been at the mulled wine, would be my advice …
Let’s kick off
with this “Framed Print of Artists depiction of coeliac disease from Science Photo Library”. Now you may well be feeling
some sympathy for this unfortunate, undiagnosed chap who has evidently mislaid his
clothing in a field of wheat (dude, we’ve all been there), but try to set aside
feelings of compassion for a second to instead stand back and marvel at the attractive
hues of yellow and blue the artist has chosen to depict the background to this
scene, then ponder and admire the “Wood Grain effect Artcore molding” of
the frame, and finally take a minute to properly relish the overall magnificence
of this rendering of autoimmune disease. Perfect for the coeliac who wants
nothing more than to adorn their wall with an image of a poor sick bloke in the
nuddy with some gluten thriving under a warm sky, don’t you think? And a snip
at £25.
Next, everyone
knows coeliacs love puzzles (or is it pombears? I forget…), so how about this …
not ten-piece, not twenty-piece, but THIRTY-piece “Stay Away From Me I’m GlutenFree” jigsaw puzzle to tax your booze-sozzled brains over the holiday season?
It should keep you busy for at least thirty seconds in between mouthfuls of GF
Christmas puddings, and no, I quite agree with you, I don’t think there’s
anything remotely sexual about any of the imagery either.
But before you
rush to vote for that, first check out
this “Intestine showing coeliac disease Photo Mug”. Now surely this would win
hands down, were it not for the facts that the image is “printed using
sublimation ink process”, and that the mug is both dishwasher safe and
microwave safe, all of which surely saves it from the automatic ignominy of
winning top prize. Does it have any other redeeming features? I suppose it offers
a real alternative to your sporty mug: why drink out of a receptacle emblazoned
with your footie team’s colours when you can have one depicting the villous
atrophy that may have led to your severe malnutrition prior to diagnosis? AND: what
lovely shades of pink in those mucosa. Yours for 16 bucks.